Most likely you have heard the saying, “Love is the answer . . . what is the question? This simply means that the most basic answer or solution to the most troubling of questions is love--what would love do? Love seams to be the answer to all the simple yet complex solutions that I will propose to those who choose to read my words, yet there is one major snafu. That is, a common and simple definition that everyone can agree upon as to what Love is.
Love. What is it? Why is something so vital to our existence so profoundly difficult to put into words? How does one describe this complex but fundamental feeling? Is it a feeling or some other feeling or sensation that is being mistaken for Love? How does one learn about Love? Could their experiences have taught them something that is different than what another person experiences as Love? Questions, questions and more questions are created from asking this one question. If Love is so important, then why is it so difficult to define?
I’m not so presumptuous to believe that I have any particular qualification to even begin to approach this philosophical question with any credibility. All I have is my short life of experiences and a temperament of unquenchable curiosity that has led me to some kind of understanding of Love. This working theory is only a beginning context from which to apply and practice the concept of what I believe Love could be. For what I have discovered about Love is that it has no end to its complexities and applications. But, having a foundation on which to build a common ground on the concept of this monumental driving force of life is important.
There are so many different forms of what Love could be. As I began researching and working with others in exploring the concept of the definition of Love, I discovered that most people equate Love with some kind of action-- you know, “Love is a verb.” There seem to be many different forms of the action of Love such as a mother taking care of her child, a father spending time with his son, someone giving of their own time to another or any general self-sacrifice. During holidays or birthdays I have heard others refer to the number of presents they got by replying to the question: “How much love did you get?” So is Love measured somehow by the monetary amount that one gives or the time and resources they sacrifice to others? I would hope not! As I will discuss later in my writings, that service or charity to others can be twisted to become a blatant act of selfishness. I believe that service and charity shouldn’t be involved in defining Love but a natural result of expressing Love.
While searching through the accumulated knowledge and wisdom of authors of all types, shapes, sizes and kinds, one sentence in one book put me on a path that has led me to the most basic yet profound definition of Love.
Love is, “the will to extend ones self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth.” M. Scott Peck, The Road Less Traveled.
When I first read this statement, it resounded so profoundly within, that I read it again and again, and again and it became more confusing each time I reread it. But why then did it have such a deep impact on me? Maybe defining spiritual growth would be a bit easier to define than Love. So lets start there.
Again this is a complex concept to whittle down into a simple definition. Maybe, I’m over simplifying many of these concepts, but stick with me. It’s not my intent to write a scholarly paper on the all-encompassing definitions of such complex natures as the ones I am attempting to define, but to cut through all the mental junk and arrive at simple truth. Once at the truth, you are more than welcome to go back and plug in all the complexities and obscure concepts to see if they fit within the parameters of where and what I’m trying to achieve. Besides, trying to write all that would lead to boredom (blah, blah, blah). Lets just get to the point and see what comes from there.
Spiritual Growth (the most basic way I can describe it) is the development of a person’s inner path enabling oneself to discover and comprehend the essence of their being, or the core values and meanings by which they live their life.
Lets look at it this way—we are born perfect and through the interactions with the physical world we become distorted by the beliefs, concepts, desires, emotions, and actions of others. We adopt these things into our lives and use them as long as they function well enough for us. Then at times, we experience something new that suggests that one of our old adopted beliefs if incorrect. So we change and adopt the new way of being into our existence. This goes on and on throughout our lives—random happenstance defines our spiritual progression. It’s a reactive state of unconsciousness. But in some rare situations, someone wakes up. Something deep within them yearns for more meaning. They desire to take control of their life instead of just reacting to it. This moment of self-realization is when a person takes the next step into emotional awareness. By distinctively recognizing their individual emotions and the sources from where they arise, they begin to comprehend the true nature of the core values and meanings by which they live their lives. Then something even more amazing happens. The more they come to understand their emotions and their originating sources, the more they begin to recognize and understand the actions of others. And by comprehending the actions and reactions of others they begin to see how their own actions and reactions affect everything and everyone around them. They are no longer an individual aspect but a living being interacting in a larger organism. Unconsciousness to Emotional Awareness. And it goes on from there, buts lets just focus, for now, on the first step—emotional awareness.
So, in other words, emotional awareness is the first step in spiritual growth. Lets rewrite Mr. Pecks statement as follows:
Love is the will to extend ones self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s emotional awareness.
Okay then, how do you nurture your own or another’s emotional awareness? Jeez . . . it just seems one thing leads to another with no end in sight. But this is important so I’m not giving up.
I have heard the following quote from many different sources in many different forms, but the ultimate truth is self-evident. So I apologies to the originator of this fantastic bit of wisdom for not being able to give them credit in my writing, but thank you, thank you, thank you!
The ability to Love anything or anyone else is directly equivalent to the ability to Love yourself.
Oh my Gawd! Were right back to the original question. In order for someone to Love anything or anyone else, they need to first Love themselves. But how do you Love yourself if you don’t know what Love is?
I think the answer to this question goes back to the emotional awareness thing. When we nurture our own emotional awareness we come to understand ourselves more profoundly. The more we understand ourselves, the better we understand others. And the more we understand others, the more we understand ourselves. Kind of begins to give a little more depth to the commandment love your neighbor as yourself. When we truly understand ourselves we have compassion towards ourselves. We begin to comprehend why we do what we do. There is meaning to our existence and actions. We begin to interact with others in this awareness, judgment turns into empathy—and empathy is the desire to truly understand another. The real scary part about the commandment of love your neighbor as yourself is most people these days exist in a state of self-hatred; so maybe fewer people than we think are violating this commandment. Sobering thought.
Remember that dream I described in the introduction of the book about the orbs? The orbs were a tool to take the human consciousness to the next evolutional step of their existence—emotional awareness. With that came the total and perfect comprehension of self and others. No longer was anyone an individual, but part of a whole. Contemplate on what it would be like to completely be understood by another person. Then think back throughout your life to a moment when you remember experiencing Love. Evaluate that memory to see if in that moment you were being understood.
True understanding of another takes an enormous amount of work. It requires one to set aside their beliefs, desires, principle, values and feelings to objectively listen to and comprehend what another is trying to communicate. This is what I will later define as Empathic Communication. Really, think about it, how often do you LISTEN to another objectively without your own feelings and thoughts formulating concepts in your head by making judgments before the other person has even finished explaining themselves? How often do we react to others by trying to force them to exist in our own personally defined reality of the world.
So here it is:
Love = a moment of perfect understanding.
Am I audacious enough to try to define an emotional condition with a mental equation? I think that in this instance it helps to have a mental foundation on which to build an emotional concept. Probably more to the fact most have yet to truly discover the complexities of emotions and understand their implication in their lives yet alone define an emotion as confusing as Love. That is one of the primary concepts I wish to explore in future chapters of this book. Emotional Awareness is a fundamental principle in self-awareness. If everyone on this world were emotionally aware, would war and oppression predominate our mortal condition? Probably not. So yes, I am audacious in defining Love as a mental concept. BUT!!! I would ask for you to test it out. Plug in the word “understanding” where ever you would use the word love. See if you would agree that by truly understanding another is one of the ultimate ways in which we can show another Love. I think the most valuable test is to try it out. Spend time with someone where you put an effort forth to objectively understand the person you are with. See what happens and were it goes.
This simple, simple definition has changed me and opened a universe of understanding/love. Why do people feel that a higher power Loves them, because It has perfect understanding of who they are and why they do what they do. And can Love grow? Yes, because there is no end to truth or understanding.
Love is the will to extend ones self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s UNDERSTANDING. Or
UNDERSTANDING is, the will to extend ones self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s love.
But having a definition for love doesn’t teach someone what love is or how to experience it. The adventure has only just begun . . .
